come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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