I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Be still, my beating vagina.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
