I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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