Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
