after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
