how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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