i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
