You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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