did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
