whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
