guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
even my farts smell like vagina
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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