You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
