I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's official drugs can't kill me
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
