I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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