I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize