do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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