so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
