After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
