You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
