Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
