i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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