did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
