I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
farters have to be the big spoon...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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