Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
