what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize