I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize