You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
