My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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