I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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