Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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