i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
