i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
