I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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