So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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