you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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