redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
