I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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