Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i would punch a child for taco bell
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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