On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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