He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think your dad took our porno
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
