why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She bit a glass in half.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
