She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
