In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
