I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You have to summon your inner elephant
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
