So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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