I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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