I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
