maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
