You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The beer is more important than you right now.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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