god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
