Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
sex in a hospital.. check
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
