I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
