I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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