theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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