I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
