he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
