Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
