Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
