Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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