I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize