In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
