i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Drunk is a universal language darling
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
