I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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