he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize