I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
