My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
