Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
