i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
