I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
