Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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