i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
