I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
