the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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