he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
